The BALD and the beautiful... My own true story

I'm 30 years old ( i prefer to say young) and I have been pulling my hair since i was 13. As many others, I don't remember the exact moment when it happened, i just know it did. I have a vague memory of me in an english class pulling one of my long, hazel beautiful hairs. i remember it came out with a white spot at the top and i bite it.. from then its all history
Back then i didn't even realize it was an habit, it was something to do with my hands, some draw in boring classes, i pulled my hair.. as simple as that.. or at least thats what i thought
Then my parents noticed the little patches on my head and started worrying, of course they had no clue what to do with me so they could only do what they imagined would help: scream at me to stop, punish me for pulling and all those things that we know don't help, but that is all they had. Tricho was not even a word they knew ( i think they still don't know it) so they did they're best. just like when a teacher told them i have to stop drawing in class, they punished me and i stopped.. they were convinced same will happen in this case... we all know it didn't
I must say that my parents did the best they could, but since there is almost no info about Tricho ( and we are talking pre-Internet era here) they really didn't know how to deal with it.. so it got worse... and worse.
Finally they took me to see a therapist, all i remember is that it was a woman that wanted to see my family interactions and she wanted to talk to me but you know.. i was 14 years old.. dear therapist let me break the news for you : 14 YEAR OLDS DON'T LIKE TO "TALK ABOUT IT"WITH STRANGERS .. specially not with those that don't even bother in building some kind of trust relationship. So after a few weeks she subscribed me a pill. I don't even remember the name of the pill , all I remember is that it was a little yellow pill and that after a few weeks of taking it, when i realized i was not "me"anymore, i was too quiet, i lost appetite and i could watch TV for days, i told my mom that I was done with that. I'm happy I did. NOTHING ( not even my beautiful hair) is worth losing my personality.. NOTHING
So time goes by and i keep on pulling. I pulled so much i didn't even have to shave my hair to get bald. I have pulled all my hair!!! And i was still convinced it was not a "condition"
By then I went from Junior high to High school and i heard some teachers talking about that poor girl going to school when she goes trough chemotherapy.. thats what they thought i had. Then one of my class mates ended up being my dads patient and he too asked him if my cancer was getting better... my poor dad was so shocked he didn't know what to do. He still doesn't, as far as my family is concerned i have an addiction i can control, i just need to stop pulling my hair and thats it.... so easy when they put it that way
Years gone by and i have been shaving my hair since then, you all know the routine, I shave the head and I tell myself that thats it!!! from now on I'm not pulling anymore.. but as you all know.. a few weeks go by and I start rubbing my head, telling myself "Good.. it's growing nicely"and then i notice one specific hair that is a bit weird and i have to pull it and from then on... I'm back pulling. back having the upper part of my shirts covered with disgusting hairs, back having a rug of hairs on the floor of my room... back to having patches in my head... and back to realizing I'm sick, some people have asthma. others have diabetes.. I have Tricho
A year ago i decided to go get help, i started seeing a therapist that is really doing her best to help me, at some point i event tried a medication : St. Johns worth. I took it for about a month and a half but the doctor himself told me theres not scientific proof that it'll help.. and it didnt and since I didn't want my medical records to include psychiatric medications- after i was done with the samples i got- i never bought it.
So here I am, at 30, fighting something that I have for around 17 years and not ready to give up yet. I;m going to try again, only this time I;m going to share my journey with you, and maybe.. maybe, if i can really share my thoughts and my feelings- it will help the healing process.. and maybe not- but I[m ready to try